Feeling Benched

Our middle son plays quite a bit of baseball with a deep love for the sport. During the last tournament of this spring’s season, frustration was mounting as many errors were made by his teammates and he, leading to a few losses in a row. After one of the games, Caleb was pretty disappointed, and while I don’t tend to say much after games, I did remind him of a verse from scripture that we often align with Caleb’s effort. 

“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters.” —Colossians 3:23.

Caleb raised his head and responded, “How can I work at it with all my heart when I’m benched?” and lowered his head back down. 

I said some things about supporting his teammates on the field, keeping the energy up in the dugout, and continuing to self-evaluate his plays. 

The recollection of this conversation came to me the other day, and I realized that I am feeling “benched” right now, sitting on the sidelines and watching so many people suffer from tremendous loss and grief. 

I live right near the Guadalupe River, a good hour and a half from the Kerrville, Texas area, where this river rose over 34 feet in 45 minutes on July 4^th. Over 100 are confirmed deceased, and well over 100 are still missing. We’ve been swimming in this river multiple times and our boys go to Camp Capers on the Guadalupe every summer. I grew up along the Nueces and Frio Rivers, just west of the Guadalupe, so I know well the joy of river play and the dangers of flash floods. 

It has been heartbreaking to watch the devastation unfold and heart-wrenching to imagine the grief that so many moms and dads, siblings, grandparents, and friends are enduring. 

During the week after this, as photos of victims, first responders and searchers, and the destruction were posted online, other situations in my life induced feelings of additional despair. Several friends grieving the passing of their mothers and searching for understanding. A best friend’s marriage facing quite a challenge, leaving her feeling scared, lonely, and trying her best to protect her kids. 

The weight on my heart has been heavy but so has the weight of wanting to help in each situation, wanting to be present, wanting to serve in the very best way. And yet, life continues in my own household—work still needs to be done, and three children rely on my care. I have been left feeling “benched.” Benched from the desire to offer tangible, physical help. How is it best to overcome these feelings? 

“Work for the Lord.” No matter what the work is. 

My prayers are continuous, often spoken in whispers throughout my day, even if I only call on the name of Jesus. For the mom of the child in the image I just saw, for my friends as they plan their days without their mothers’ guidance, and for my friend to find strength in the morning as she makes her coffee. 

And with my own kids, sharing stories, sharing prayers, and sharing any action we do take, whether that is sending a note or making a monetary donation. 

In the days to come, I am hopeful for an opportunity to take our sons to the torn areas in the Texas Hill Country to assist in the clean up and the rebuilding, and I am hopeful to show up on my best friend’s doorstep with a hug to offer, but until the timing is figured out, I will continue to carry the collective grief we are all feeling and continue to offer prayer after prayer after prayer. 

I ask you to join me. Our beloved central Texas will need prayers and support for many days to come. 

Help and Hope for the Hill Country

St. Peter’s Episcopal Church in Kerrville, Texas is at the heart of relief efforts. Their website offers multiple ways for you to support the Hill Country at this time. St. Peter’s rector, the Rev. Bert Baetz, writes that “the most important word in the Bible is ‘with.’ God is with us. We stand with our hurting neighbors. We need you to walk with us as well.” He offers three ways to be with his community.

• First, pray for St Peter’s and their surrounding community. If there is a way St. Peter’s can pray for you, you can let them know HERE.
• Second, serve with St. Peter’s. If you can come to Kerrville to volunteer, you are asked to complete this form. St. Peter’s will contact you as needs arise.
• Third, donate to relief efforts. This ministry will require significant funds to ensure we can sustain our work over the long term. St. Peter’s is currently on the ground supporting first responders with various needs, providing supplies for those displaced by the floods, as well as trauma care for those in need. If you can give, in any amount, you can do so online HERE.

Additionally, Episcopal Relief and Development offers these prayers during disasters that you might find helpful for your household. The Federation of Texas Psychiatry has mental health resources for children and caregivers alike on their website. You can find age-appropriate activities, typical behaviors, and talking points for conversations with scared children.

[Image Credit: Public Domain via Free Images]