What We Need to Grow

Growth can look so many different ways; it can even be invisible. When our children are young, they are most aware of their physical growth. My teenage boys still check their height against one another on the regular. But there is also intellectual growth, emotional growth, spiritual growth, and social growth to nourish, too. 

Now more than ever, I think we are aware as a culture that growth can look lots of different ways. But perhaps we were not raised to value diversity quite so much. Perhaps we grew up with people who thought the prettiest, tallest, smartest, insert any superlative you’d like, was the way to grow. Or that growth only went in one direction: a race to the top. 

I was struck by this idea when I walked by these potted plants outside a restaurant after a workout. Wandering by or sitting to stare at nature is my favorite way to end more intense cardio classes, and I noticed that these plants grew up, grew down, grew out, grew stiff, grew curly, grew solo, or on stems with others. They are all beautiful, no matter what flourishing looks like on them.

These plants do not grow alike, but they all need the same inputs to grow: sunlight, water, nutrients, and space. As humans, we don’t grow alike either, but we all need the same inputs to develop physically, emotionally, intellectually, spiritually, and socially. We need food, but wouldn’t all thrive on the same diet. We need water, but how much we exercise and where we live impact the volume we need. We require love, some of us are full with one or two close friends, and some people prefer a whole network. We need to feel safe, but different conditions make us feel that way. 

Growing in Community

How do we show this system of diverse needs to our kids without making everything a lesson? I think this is where science and faith pair so beautifully in our lives. Some ideas include:

• Gardening: When we spend time in nature with our children, particularly focused on the growth and cultivation of life, they see and soak up so many little lessons about how we are wonder-fully made and the beauty of diversity in the world. The Bible stories of the Garden of Eden and Gethsemane, parables of the weeds, sower, and mustard seed, fruits of the spirit, and countless other references to stewardship and gardening and growth in creation to pair with this work with our children.
• Cooking: When we see the chemistry of how different foods react or pair with others, we learn that not everything is made to go together and some parts of creation pair beautifully. Our children learn to respect differences and even boundaries when we cook with nutrition and allergies in mind. Shared meals and the provision of food for others was a common theme our children hear in scripture. 
• Questioning: Modeling our curiosity in the world and holding space for our littles (and not-so-litles) to do the same connects us to our inner wisdom, the Holy Spirit, and our intuition. The Bible includes characters who experience doubt, who pause to listen or observe more closely, and who question to truly understand. When they do, God responds patiently, and the ongoing conversation results in a more intimate relationship with God. 

Similarly, if we are attuned to what our littles and not-so-littles need to grow (not every child in one household needs the same things) and how they receive it, we model for them what attention to self and others can look like and deepen our relationship together. 

Limits

There is a consent element to this, too. If you overwater a plant, and it pools, the plant is saying ENOUGH. When we squeeze a new puppy just a little too tight and it barks, the pup is saying ENOUGH. We can learn “enough is enough” from engaging with creation, too. 

Many people say that kids today are spoiled or don’t respect authority or don’t hear “no” enough. Engaging with our needs and creation teaches that limits exist – too much salt in a recipe for example. Authority exists because it has wisdom (as opposed to power). Wisdom carries the authority of experience. It can protect, share knowledge, suggest responsibility, and maintain balance. The Bible is full of these stories, and so are we. How often do we share our childhood or teenage stories and experiences with our children (at age-appropriate stages)? Do our actions model respect or even acknowledgement of authority? (Woooweeee, those streaming passwords and speed limits can be a slippery slope when engaging with a legalistic pre-teen.) What about what we watch on TV?

Cultivating Environment

Plants are limited to the sunlight and CO2 available to them in their environment. We as humans are limited to the environment around us, too. What kind of environment are we curating for our kids? They are absolutely taking in everything around them. How much of that should we control? One might argue, the “helicopter” or “lawnmower” parent over-curates. So, where is the line between nourishing our children and restricting their natural growth? (Asks the parent whose 17-year-old spent his summer traveling the country with a handful of adults and a couple hundred teenagers. What could possibly go wrong?)

Mistakes are okay; our kids can learn from the ones we make, too. But what are they learning about human care and love – caring for your neighbor, loving your neighbor? What habits and hobbies help us and our littles refine our understanding of what it means to love our neighbor because we’re still learning too? 

I don’t have the parenting manual, today’s Holy Grail. But may I suggest? 

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.”
—Galatians 5:22.

If we cultivate these, may our kids grow wild, whichever direction they may sprout.