It has been twelve weeks since we closed the doors on our last house, returned the keys, and saw all of our belongings get loaded into two trucks. Grace has surrounded us along the way.
Our movers patiently placed rugs and beds where asked. We discovered the joys of living in a neighborhood where bikes zip down alleys and children ring doorbells asking for playmates. We are learning the challenges of home ownership as we clip down overgrown raspberry bushes, weed unkempt gardens, have ceiling fans replaced, hang pictures, and find project after project to prioritize. We are beginning to know where to find fresh eggs and access the local Target. But, this is all mapping and orienting. Every place I go I do so with very new eyes. Every trip to the grocery store or the soccer field is filled with observation and a keen eye for all the details around us.
There is no denying that several mornings I awoke completely disoriented. Why was it so quiet? Where am I? After a few moments, I realized I was in our new home. Our former home was perched on a busy street with the sounds of people screaming most mornings, as nursing home staff changed shifts, and cars careened into our church parking lot next to our bedrooms. Now all I hear is silence punctuated by birds’ chatter.
Of course, everyone asks, “How are you settling in?” As I reflect on those words, I think they are apt. Life was turned upside down and now it is time to settle in.
As a parent, moving a family creates a sense of dread and anticipation all wrapped into one. With one child on the autistic spectrum, I was very fearful of the change that would take place. How would he adapt to the loss of his Legos social skills group, his sweet friends, and his tiny, independent school? I have been amazed that he has embraced his new room and his new school in stride.
My daughter lets everything roll off her back and has already managed to secure phone numbers from other parents to arrange playdates. But, it is our seven year old who seemed most blase about the move, who cannot fall asleep at night. For one, he is in a room by himself–which has not been the case in the seven years of his life. He comes to us crying and reporting scary faces and noises. Every night we find him pushed up against our bodies or holding his sister in a sweet embrace in her single bed. He can’t even seem to self-soothe anymore. And, I wonder about rituals and settling in and helping him find a way to fall asleep here.
When we departed from our last home, which was a three floor Victorian rectory, we took a bowl of water and a basting tool and each child said a prayer and sprinkled, or doused, a room with water.
We thanked God for each room and its purpose for us. We remembered funny stories and brought them up as we said good-bye to that space.
I have no idea whether this made our move more smooth. As my husband the social scientist would say, we have no counterfactual–no other way to measure that. But, a small part of me thinks that the liturgical action of blessing and acknowledging the presence of God in that place may have paved the way for them to settle into this new place.
I am not convinced it was providential, but I am thoroughly convinced that grace abounds. And in ritual and in prayer, we name and see grace.
Taking the time to gather as a family and bless our house, amidst the boxes being filled, signaled that surely the Lord was in that place. And, so I hope that in the coming weeks, we will gather in our new house, our Church House, bless each room, and sprinkle water noting that the presence of God goes with us wherever we are.
In the meantime, if anyone has some grand ideas to help the little guy fall asleep, I would gladly take them.
How have you marked times of change in your family life?
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Lisa Prescott says
Glad you are at St. John’s. When my daughter was little and afraid at night, I got her Monster spray. Actually I went to Walmart and got a pretty clear blue spray bottle and filled it with water (when she was not home of course) I gave it to her to spray before she went to bed and it actually worked!!
Jenifer & George Johnson says
What a wonderful ritual for the kids! Thanks for posting, and welcome to St. John’s and Carlisle! And — have you tried a white noise machine?
Melissa Wilcox says
No, that is a good idea! Thanks for your welcome. We are so glad to be here.
Bibi says
You need to borrow Shukuru for a month or so.
Melissa Wilcox says
I know…But then Addie would turn into a mucus machine.
Sheila McJilton says
Maybe do a new house blessing?
Melissa Wilcox says
It’a on the list once we finish hanging pictures:)
Jane Anne Gleason says
Wonderful piece Melissa! Have you tried reading the same book every night to your little guy? The routine of the same story followed by prayers and a check under the bed for scary thing MAY help. It worked for my God Son (who is on the Autism spectrum) when they moved. They were still in Alexandria but, had to go to a new school. May blessings and much love, Jane Anne
Melissa Wilcox says
Good suggestion. We have been reading a chapter book, and checking for scary things. I will keep trying. Hugs to you!
Judy Walsh says
Love how you blessed the rooms in your previous home. For encouraging sleep in your new house, try “Jitter Glitter.” Sprinkle glitter, sequins, etc. in a small plastic bag. Place the bag under your child’s pillow before going to sleep. Tell him this stuff works to calm him and make sure he gets a good sleep. Another thought- sprinkle glitter in a clear, spray bottle. Add water and a few drops of lavender oil. Spray the bedroom and assure him this will help in sleep. This idea compliments your sprinkling of water in your previous home- and we KNOW that worked!
Enjoy your new home:)
Melissa Wilcox says
Thank you for the idea. I love the thought of lavender in his room.