• Home
  • About Us
  • Resources
  • Authors
  • Write for Us
  • Forward Movement

Grow Christians

A community of disciples practicing faith at home

  • Parenting
  • Discipleship
  • Liturgical Year
  • Prayer
  • Archives
    • Seasons of the Year
      • Advent through Epiphany
      • Ash Wednesday, Lent & Holy Week
      • Easter & Pentecost
      • Ordinary Time
    • Seasons of Life
      • Childhood Years
      • Teen & Young Adult Years
      • Grandparenting & Godparenting
    • Saints and Feasts
      • Saints
      • Feasts
    • Discipleship
    • Making Faith Visible
    • Special Series
    • Grow Christians Updates & Giveaways
  • The Good Book Club
  • Holy Day Resources

Life’s Longing for Itself

March 15, 2018 By Mary Lee Wile 1 Comment

By the time I had children, my copy of Kahlil Gibran’s The Prophet was pretty beat up. My sister had given it to me when I turned 16, and like many people in the 1960’s, I was drawn to its poetic, counter-cultural vision.

But then I became a mother, and I found myself recoiling at Gibran’s insistence that “Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of life’s longing for itself.” No, I thought, these children are mine! I turned away from Gibran’s words and began obsessively collecting prints by German artist Kathe Kollwitz of mothers protecting their children. At some deep level, I thought that only I could keep my children safe and happy.

You’d think I would know better. I’d spent every Sunday of my life in church, where I’d long ago learned that Mary couldn’t save her beloved Son from the cross. What magical thinking made me assume I could do better?

And where, in all this, was God?

My prayers for my children were fierce and demanding. I wanted God to want for my children whatever I wanted. Mostly I wanted them never to suffer – an impossible prayer.

Eventually upheavals in my own life – divorce, remarriage, a move – ended up causing the deepest suffering my children had ever experienced, but somehow I still wanted to choreograph their lives, to be in charge, to own them, to make them happy and well. Then less than two years into the new marriage, my stepdaughter was diagnosed with terminal cancer, and no one could protect her, no one could protect my husband from her loss, no one could shield my sons from their grief.

In those years I published an angry novel (Ancient Rage) that envisioned a conversation between Mary and Elizabeth nine years after their sons had died, and in it Elizabeth says, “Human mothers have more compassion than God.” I believed it.

Decades have passed. My children are now in their 40’s with young children of their own. My anger at God has been folded into an awareness of God’s unknowable but compassionate presence. My prayers are still demanding (“be with and bless….surround and save and shield…. heal and help and love….”) but they are an admission that I’m not the one in control.

Half the time I still want to be. The old desire to choreograph my children’s lives, or my grandchildren’s lives, kicks in spontaneously, and I have to remind myself of the integrity of their souls, their separateness from me. I have to remember that they are beloved children of God (yes, of God!), and that my responsibility is simply to love them, and to let them be who and how they are amid all the chaos and pain and beauty of life.

 


 

How has your understanding of parenting shifted over time?

Share this:

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Email
  • Pinterest
  • More
  • Pocket
  • Reddit
  • LinkedIn
  • Skype
  • Print

Related

Filed Under: Parenting Tagged With: adult children, art, children, control, Jesus, Kahlil Gibran, Kathe Kollwitz, parenting

About Mary Lee Wile

The Rev. Mary Lee Wile is a deacon in the Diocese of Maine. She is the author of the theological novel Ancient Rage, three program books: I will with God’s help, Christ’s Own Forever, This Bread & This Cup, and two children’s books: Star of Wonder and Season of Angels, both through Forward Movement. She has written for Forward Day by Day and Daily Devo. Having served for eight years as a pediatric hospice chaplain, Mary Lee now engages in prison ministry, offers spiritual direction, serves as Chaplain to the Maine Chapter of the Society of Companions of the Holy Cross, and tends grandchildren two days a week.

Comments

  1. Carolyn Eklund says

    March 19, 2018 at 9:18 am

    I love Kathe Kollwitz and her depiction of fierce mothers. This is a moving and frank meditation. Thank you.

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Encouragement in your Inbox

Enter your email address to receive notifications of new posts.

Join 4,388 other subscribers

The Spy Series

Grow Christians is brought to you by Forward Movement, a ministry of The Episcopal Church that seeks to inspire disciples and empower evangelists. Follow on Facebook or Twitter.

Search:

Like us on Facebook

Like us on Facebook

Recent Posts

Popular Posts

  • That moment you realize the voice you’re hearing isn’t God – it’s Satan
  • Thinking ahead to Pentecost: Five Ways to Celebrate
  • The disciples cast lots to select St. Matthias. My kids do too.
  • A bright teen asked me to explain the Trinity. Here's what I said.
  • Using Minecraft to Teach Kids About Christianity

Copyright © 2022 — Forward Movement • All rights reserved.

loading Cancel
Post was not sent - check your email addresses!
Email check failed, please try again
Sorry, your blog cannot share posts by email.