The Beauty of Doubt

In today’s world of wildly fast innovation, I think there are a few jobs that don’t get the credit they deserve. In particular I’m thinking about equipment managers. Equipment managers are required to simultaneously maintain a stoic confidence that they have selected the best gear available (within a budget set by someone else) that will support athletic or musical performances of the highest available level. They must remain on the lookout for the new ‘best’ thing that leverages available science, technology, and ideation that could give their team or ensemble the advantage for peak performance. 

Equipment managers, confident in their decisions, practice and model the gift of preparation. They possess the aptitude for organization such that their charges have all the materials they need laid out prior to an engagement—in working order, cleaned since the last performance, specific to the individuals, curated for the venue.  And oh, by the way, the venue changes, so they also need a working knowledge of different geographies and backup equipment in case of the inevitable snafu. All this preparation and dedication, and not a lot of glory celebrating their behind-the-scenes efforts. 

In most cases, these individuals are the biggest fans of the trade, too. They likely have opinions related to the musical choices executed in the arrangements or the vocals, the plays executed against a given team, or maybe even who to start or the right mix of songs for a setlist.

Public Domain photo by Thulio Philipe on Unsplash

What about their thoughts once the game or performance starts? If the team is down, do they wonder if they jinxed them by switching detergents? Are they envious of the opposing team’s jerseys that they know are more cooling for the hard-working athlete? Do they question if they hooked up that mic or put the next guitar in the exact right place on stage when the artist switches between songs? Is the right setlist taped down? Questioning their own decisions can result in a refining of their vocation.

Doubt is an opposite of complacency and contrary to apathy; neither of those being virtuous or faith-building positions. It can imply an open-mindedness to consider other options, opinions, and new information, and there is a place for doubt in faith. 

The disciples doubted Jesus’ resurrection. Jesus did not rebuke ‘doubting Thomas.’ And as it turns out, John the Baptist had some doubts, too. 

John is known for having ‘prepared the Way’ for Jesus. The original Kit Man; he played a central and critical role in the story of our Bible’s all-star. He preached and baptized along the Jordan River, setting the expectation for the coming of a King, a Christ, one greater than himself. In the Gospel of John, he refers to himself as a groomsman making wedding arrangements. 

And then, with the stage set, Jesus arrives. And after some time, John is in jail and the Romans are still in charge and John begins to doubt. From jail, he asks his messengers to check in with Jesus to be sure John got the right guy. That the true lead singer is the front man. That the all-star is the one who’s in the game. 

When John doubted Jesus, Jesus reassures him. When Thomas and the other disciples doubt, Jesus reassures them. To live faithfully by faith alone is mentioned in the Bible as an ideal, and doubt is modeled for us in scripture, too. We all fall short. Sometimes when we doubt, we understand old things in new ways. Sometimes we understand new things and refine our beliefs. And sometimes we are fortified in our faith. 

These are important lessons for our children, too. They doubt our wisdom. They err, and they need our reassurance. I doubt my own wisdom sometimes, too. I err and need reassurance—over and over and over again. My children and I, we need to learn new things. We need to be open-minded in this ever-changing world that often lacks the grace we need to be successful. 

It’s hard to set up the equipment for a game that keeps changing, for a concert in venues with different acoustics. It’s challenging to remain stoic in beliefs that may mean different things in an ever-changing world. When we doubt in our journey of being Love to others in our communities, especially without an equipment manager to lay the groundwork ahead of us, we show we care. Being unsure shows interest in doing well when we try to do good. Doubt can yield growth. Questioning our best is a sign of humility, a characteristic our ‘kit man’ in the wilderness modeled for us from the beginning. 


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